My Frakkin Blog!

Well, we just got done watching that Christmas Classic - Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. I have watched this show every year since I was a kid and when my older kids were just kids. Maybe I’ve changed, but, wow - I certainly saw this show completely different this year than any other year before.

Is it me or is this actually kind of a sad story?  It sorta makes all those reindeer, elves, and Santa Claus look like hypocrites doesn’t it?

First - the head elf completely disses Hermes because he wants to be a dentist instead of an elf - so - he sings this song about being a misfit and a nitwit - then runs away. Personally, I think he was discriminated against because he’s Greek?

Next - Santa and the reindeer make fun of Rudolph for being different. This kid can jump higher and further than any of those other reindeer, but, he is discriminated against just because he has a red nose?  And -Clarise’s dad says “No doe of mine will ever be seen around a red-nosed reindeer”  RACIST! So, Rudolph sings that same song about being a misfit and a nitwit - then runs away (editors note:  just how the heck is it that both Rudolph and Hermes knew the same song?)

Then, Hermes and Rudolph meet next to a Christmas tree.  Hermes announces that he is “independent” and Rudolph exclaims the same.  I never really noticed this next line - but - it’s a classic- Hermes then says - ‘Hey, let’s be independent together’ - I actually laughed at that line. Then they run away together.

Hermes and Rudolph run in to Yukon Cornelius after they both run away and Cornelius kinda looks over them while at the same time trying to hunt down that bumble!  First - I don’t know if we should really trust this bearded old man who’s been out in the wilderness on his own for a really long time - with kids!  Seriously, what’s up with that?  Rather than help them find their way back home to the adults - he takes them with him.  Wouldn’t that be like kidnapping or something?

On their journey - they come across misfit island where all the unwanted toys live.  How the heck did all those broken toys get there anyway?

Well - I think we all know the rest of the story.  Rudolph’s mom and Clarise go searching for Rudolph and get caught by the bumble - Rudolph, Cornelius and Hermes come to the rescue - Hermes goes all Dentist like on the bumble and then Cornelius goes all suicidal attack and they both go over the cliff.  Well, after that the survivors all go back to the North Pole where Rudolph and Hermes are suddenly accepted!  What hypocrites!!!

Additionally, Santa makes a special trip to misfit island and picks up all those so-called unwanted toys.  First - if Santa is supposed to be omnipotent and know everything - why didn’t he know about these toys?  If they really are unwanted toys - how the heck is he going to unload them?  Is he going to drop them off with all the poor kids and cheat them out of the new unbroken toys?  Sure - what the heck - they won’t know any differently, right?

Oh well..maybe I’m gettin to be an old fuddy duddy or something.  In any case, I still think it’s a great show.  As a kid, I know I really enjoyed it for what it was - a great Christmas story about some misfits who overcome adversity and help to save Christmas.

This goes back to that age old problem between men and women, husbands and wives, regarding leaving the toilet seat up or down!

Only, now it’s getting really interesting!  It happened again this weekend! This isn’t the first time he’s done this to me!

I’m sitting on the couch, minding my own business, studying for my finals.  My son, Ryan (4 years old) is sitting in the office playing his games on the computer.  There is a bathroom off the office.  Mary comes walking by and says:

Honey.  You left the toilet seat up again.  Could you please make sure you put it down when you’re done!

To which I replied:

What?  It wasn’t me!  I wasn’t even in there.  It had to be Ryan.

Ryan doesn’t even look up from his game or the computer - cool as a cucumber:

It wasn’t me.

WHAT?  Now my 4 year old is lying so as not to incur the wrath of the DOWN TOILET SEAT rant?  Since when did it become MY fault ALL the time?  I know I taught him he had to put that toilet seat down when he’s done.

Okay - back up a second.  I still don’t even understand why it’s ALWAYS the guys’ job to put it back down.  I’ve heard the following excuses:

Well.  When I go to the bathroom at night - if the toilet seat is up, I fall in the toilet. To which my response is - so turn on the light!

or

It’s a courtesy for the guy to do that for the girl.  To which I reply - so, in that case, isn’t it also a courtesy then for the girl to put it back up for the guy?

and, my all time favorite

You would do it for me if you loved me!  WHAT?!?!?!  Couldn’t the same thing be said for you?  Since you won’t put it back up for me…does that mean you don’t really love me?

Anyway - back to the issue at hand.  I know darned well that Ryan was the last one in that bathroom and that HE left that seat up!  So, I marched right in that office - swung that swivel chair around, knelt down beside him so that he was looking at me eye-to-eye and asked him:

Okay - look - you and I BOTH know you were the last one in there.  You left that seat up didn’t you? 

He just smiled at me.  That rat!

So, I asked him:  Why did you tell your mom that it wasn’t you?

He said:  Because you always get in trouble for it.

Okay - he KNOWS already!  I immediately swept him up from that chair, put him over my shoulder, brought him in the bedroom, put him on the bed and tickled the snot out of him!  Go ahead - tell your mom who left that seat up - tell her!

I guess he had a hard time spilling the beans considering he was being tickled.

In the end - all is well.  But, hindsight is 20/20.  I don’t think I taught him a lesson there at all.  If anything, what he got out of it is that he can continue to blame me and all I’m going to do is tickle him again.

Thought you might enjoy this picture!  I found it over at Really Funny Pictures .  How many times have you had those moments where you just needed, or wished, you could get your kids out of your hair just for a moment?

As much as I love my children - I have to admit - sometimes they can just drive me absolutely crazy!  I’ve often wished there was a way just to get them out of the way for a little bit so I can have some peace and quiet all to myself.  They’re both at an age now where they don’t nap - or - if they do nap, it only lasts about 30 minutes.

When I saw this picture I was like - wow - wouldn’t that be great?  A baby hanger!  LOL! Wouldn’t that be great?  Unfortunately, as funny as this picture is - the practical daddy side kicks in and says - OMG - what was that parent thinking?  That kid could fall and seriously hurt himself.

Oh well - it was a happy thought for a moment!

Holy crap!  Where has the time gone by?  It seems like only yesterday it was September! (snicker).  Seriously, though - we’re effectively coming up on “The Holiday Season.”  We’re less than three months from Christmas already?

Other than Christmas being my favorite holiday of all - my next favorite is coming up real soon - Halloween!  I love halloween for a couple of reasons - 1) dressing my kids up in their favorite costumes, 2) going to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween at Disney, and 3) scaring the bejeezus out of the other kids on halloween night!

Yes, I’m one of those parents that love to scare the kids who come up for candy.  Of course, I never jump out on the really little ones - but - those ones between 8 and up - I’m all for seeing them running back down the driveway!  Bwahahaha!  But - they keep coming back each year!

This is the first halloween for this blog - can’t wait to post up some pictures.  I’ll get some up real soon.  Ryan has 2 costumes - He has Wolverine for the Mickey halloween and Batman for regular halloween.  Kylie is a pirate princess this year.  Daddy has the pirate costume - so - I’ll no doubt be carrying her around.  I think mommy is going as a Queen.

I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do this halloween as far as dress-up goes for scaring the kids.  We’ll see!  I’m getting all giddy just thinking about it!!!!!

Man, ya gotta love it.  At age 4, anything seems possible!  I know I really shouldn’t do these things - but - it’s just neat watching his face.  I do of course take back what I said and set him straight later.

This past weekend we were at a birthday party at a local park.  While he was playing, he found some acorns.  He said, “Can I keep these?”  I said, “Sure, where ya gonna put them?”  He said, “I’ll put them in my pocket.”  To which I said, “Okay. But, don’t forget about them.  If you leave them there, trees will start growing!”  (Yes, I got “the look” from Mary).

The look in his eyes at that moment was of wonderment - the possibility that he could actually grow trees in his pockets.  He just looked at me for a moment - puzzled - then said “Trees?”  I said, “Sure!  You know those are seeds, right?  Those kind grow in to really big oak trees like that one there.” (as I pointed to a big oak behind him).  He turned and looked at it.  He just stared at it for a while.  Looking all the way up - back down - then back up again.

I had a little smirk on my face.  I was also thinking about how great it must be to be able to think that kind of thing is even possible.  Then he turned around and said “I won’t forget.  I don’t want any trees like that growing in my room!”

As soon as we got home, while we were still unpacking everything, he came up to me in the kitchen.  Reached in to his pocket and produced two acorns outstretched in his tiny hand.  He looked up at me and said, “Will you keep these for me in your drawer?  I told you I wouldn’t forget!”

BTW - I use the top drawer of my bureau for unloading my wallet, rings, keys, watch, and loose change.  About a year ago when he first started making real discoveries, that also became the drawer where I keep things for him.  In addition to the two new acorns now, I have pebbles that he found, other odd shaped rocks, an assortment of little twigs, some “dinosaur bones” (more rocks), and a shark’s tooth.  I’ll make sure to return all of these to him when he has a family of his own.

Okay - I know I really shouldn’t pick on my wife this way - but - I just can’t help it!  Actually, while this is about Ryan again - it really goes back to Mary!  Okay - so - imagine this:

I just bought Ryan a Ben 10 Omnitrix - if you don’t know what that is - there is a cartoon character on the Cartoon Network that found this “watch” that contains 10 aliens in it.  He’s a kid that can turn in to aliens by hitting his watch - which is called the Omnitrix.  So - the Omnitrix that I bought for Ryan is actually one of those things that just has a light in it and you put a disk inside of it..hit the light..and it shows one of the alien characters wherever you shine it.  You need to be in the dark to see it.

So - we’re under the bed pointing it up at the bottom of the bed underneath.  For some reason, we can’t see the image.  It appears to be in between images - so - I’m playing around with the disk..readjusting..and it’s still not working right.  So, I’m like hitting this thing, tussling it, etc.  I turn to Ryan and say - “I don’t get it.  This thing was just working.”  His reply?

I hate that damned watch.

It’s already a tight squeeze for me under that bed.  I only have about a two inch clearing.  As soon as it came out of his mouth I was bolting upright - what a mistake that was!  Those slats under the beds are actually pretty hard and they don’t move!  So…now, I’m under the bed..can’t really writhe around in pain like I would like to…got my hands over my forehead..rubbing fiercely….making that noise..you know the one…you want to say every swear word you can think of..but..since there are “little ears” it comes out like…nnggg nnggg  ngggg.

After the pain subsides - my next word was MARY!!!  She comes in the room as I’m wriggling my way out from under…she’s like “What?”  so - I let her know what her son has said.  Again - she promises to watch what she says around the kids.

Oh - I guess I should also mention that Mary and Kylie were in the kitchen yesterday.  Mary dropped something (which is usual for her) - and her pat response whenever she drops something?  SHIT!  Guess which little girl now is walking around the house using that word with regularity?

Go figure…the words we want her to say clearly she can’t…the words we don’t want her to say…come out very clearly!  At least I get them for a whole day every week.  I don’t know if I can deprogram them..but I will make the attempt!

Today was the first Saturday I had both kids all to myself since Mary went back to work full-time as a nurse.  She’s out of the house by 6:30am and doesn’t return until between 7:30-8:00pm.  What a day it has been!  I really feel for you full-time stay-at-home mommies!

I guess it was around 8:15am this morning when Ryan woke me up with his Wiggle’s Wake-up Jeff routine - if you’re not familiar with it, it goes like this (whisper) 1, 2, 3 - (shout at the top of the lungs) WAKE UP JEFF!  Only, in this case - insert DADDY!!!  Talk about a frightful awakening!

It only went downhill from there.  You would think that Ryan would get tired of hearing his name over and over and over - Ryan - stop that, Ryan - get down from there, Ryan - stop kicking your sister, Ryan - put the dog down, Ryan - if you  throw one more jellybean you’re going in timeout, Ryan - don’t make me chase you or I’m putting you in your room!

If it wasn’t Ryan pushing his sister around, it was Kylie pinching him when he wasn’t looking - either way - one of them was crying like every 30 minutes throughout the whole day!

If it wasn’t the kids - it was one of the dogs pooping and peeing everywhere but outside.  I didn’t know that yorkies and maltese’s could poop and pee so frakkin much!  Holy frakkin hell!   Maybe it was just for my benefit today.  I must have taken them outside at least 5 times - but - nooooooo - they wouldn’t go outside - they had to find their little “special” corners around the house to leave me presents.

What the frak is up with that?  Is this really what Mary goes through all day long?  I had a terrible migraine by the time she finally got home this evening at 8:30pm.  Apparently, the woman who was training her on how to complete an incident report likes to talk A LOT and really took longer than was necessary.  She was supposed to be off shift by 7:00pm. By the time 6:00 came around…I was really counting down the minutes until she got home to help take over.  Imagine my dismay and the discouragement and anxiety I began feeling at round 7:15pm when I still didn’t get her “I’m on my way home” phone call!

I am so glad it’s over!  At least I know what to expect NEXT Saturday!

Just wondering - I’ve been cruisin around and haven’t found one anywhere.  Seems to me this being Friday - there would be one.  I know I’ve seen them for “Musical Mondays” and “Manic Mondays” and all kinds of other “Mondays” , “Tackle it Tuesdays”, “Wordless Wednesdays”, and “Thoughtful Thursdays.”  Well…what about Fridays?  Is this some kind of sacred “meme-free” day?

Maybe I should start one - you know, like WTF Fridays or Freaky Fridays or Funky Fridays or something like that.  Seriously, though.  If there is anybody out there who actually reads my blog - do you have an answer?  In the meantime - could somebody please explain this?!?!?!

How the heck does someone actually sleep on this thing?  What if you’re married?  Maybe this is supposed to be art.  I don’t know!  WTF anyway - it’s Friday!!!!!

The title says it all! You have got to go over to this site (click the above link), turn up your volume and watch the video. It is a transliteration of an Indian (the country) song. It is a pop song that is apparently sung in the Indian language…it was then subtitled with the words the listener thought it sounds like in English. I never laughed so hard..not just because of the transliteration, but because of the video itself along with the words!